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Tuesday, 27 September 2016

I like me.

After so many years, don't ask how long because I have lost count, I haven't liked me. From having zero confidence to getting bullied at school and at home, I knew (and still know) that others had it so much worse than me therefore I just got on with it so to speak, if that is the right way to put it but it really affected the way I saw my life.

In other words, I felt crap about myself all day, everyday, 24/7.
And today was one of those days. I am feeling really down about the fact that I still haven't got a job yet after months of looking now and I am feeling really down about it.




Cheesy picture but ahhhh wellllll
But because of some amazingly lovely people on Twitter tweeting me saying it was alright and that it will all be worth it in the end and if these past couple of years have taught me anything, it is this.
I like me. And here is why.

So here is 'A Realisation, I like me.'...

I have always been self conscious in the way I am, from my weird tendencies to the way I look, it has always been there.
 
I am weird and I will be the first one to admit that.
I am a fan girl, I obsess over TV shows that ended 4 years ago (I am still not over Merlin, don't touch me), I still have posters up in my bedroom at the age of 21, I still like to straightens things if they are wonky on a table somewhere, I dance and sing in my bedroom whilst listening to the radio whilst pretending I am performing to thousands of people.
And that isn't even the half of it.
But I like all of this stuff, it makes me, me.
 
Yeah, I may be fat, who cares. I have lost so much weight over these past 2 years due to the fact that I, and only I, wanted to. Bullies can do so much to you that it will make you not want to leave the house and not wear pretty things but in the prettiest of terms I can think of, stuff them.
I am changing because I want to change.
 
Compared to a few years back, during secondary school, college and the first two years of uni, I wouldn't have dreamed of wearing cute skirts or pretty dresses or wear makeup because I felt I wasn't worth it and wasn't pretty enough for them.
But I am.
 
Recently I have been experimenting with makeup and doing it all bright and colourful because that is me.
I love to wear skirts and dresses and to walk around in them, feeling like a vintage princess and have people say to me 'oooo Caroline, you look lovely today'.
That is good.
It is things like these that make me happy and appreciate myself more and appreciate the people I am surrounded by even more.
I am so tired of being so negative about myself because that's what people have mostly done to me.
I haven't got the energy for that anymore, I am so mentally exhausted from it all.
 I have amazing friends and without them, I would not be able to feel like this because they are supportive and honest and beautiful human beings inside and out.
 
Although I still have a long way to go with my confidence, it feels blooming great in what I have achieved so far.
Yeah, I might not be able to talk to a guy I like still or fit into a size 12 jean but that's ok, I am fine with staring at him for the time being and wearing the size jean I am in because there is nothing wrong with that and I know I will get there one day because I want to and that will feel amazing.
 
I am a working progress and I am finally happy with the results so far.
 
So the whole point of this post isn't to show me off in the way like 'ooo look at me' but in the way that perhaps you can relate to my experience with how you feel about yourself and that the only person you need to impress is you because at the end of the day, you should like you the way I like me.
Until next time
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All photographs are my own!

25 comments:

  1. I'm now 28, I only started finding my confidence when I hit about mid-twenties it's quite a nice place. I no longer care about what people think of me. I'm 12 stone and wear short skirts and corsets. Not to mention my makeup is getting more dramatic than that relate to the style I'm into It's sounds strange but as you get older the trivial stuff isn't as important.

    P.s I miss Melin as well.

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    1. It feels so good doesn't it! There is still a part of my mind that says ooo don't wear that but slowly and surely that is going! And I cant wait for everyone to just love themselves not and care about the silly things anymore!

      And Merlin is life haha!

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  2. This is such a brave and strong post that I can totally relate to! I also used to hate myself so much to the point where I couldn't even look myself in the mirror and I used to be like, "why would anyone ever like me??" Great post lovely and it warms my heart to see you growing in confidence within yourself! X

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    Replies
    1. Aww thank you Becca, this means a lot! I used to do exactly the same! But it feels great doesn't it to feel the confidence and the change you are going through! x

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  3. It's so hard I still battle with my insecurities and imperfection but we shouldn't care what others think because it our body and our appearance. Pixie xx www.pixieox.co

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    1. We shouldn't! I have wasted farrr too much time on them people who were just negative, I don't have the time or the energy for them any more, no one should! x

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  4. A very deeply personal post! Great idea to share and I'm glad you finally like yourself!

    S .x http://ramblingsofayoungprgirl.blogspot.com/

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    1. Aww thank you, I feel great now and I am glad I shared it finally! x

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  5. This is amazing! I'm so pleased for you. Remember that your weight doesn't determine your worth but like you say, you've lost weight for you not others. Beautiful before and beautiful now! I'm glad you feel happier in yourself though. ����

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    Replies
    1. Awww thank you so much for this, it brought a tear to my eye I must admit! x

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  6. Your honesty is so refreshing! I'm so happy for you that you're feeling more confident with yourself! Keep going!

    Hannah | alongsidehannah.blogspot.co.uk

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, it feels so good to just open up and let go of it all! x

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  7. This is an amazing post lovely, you deserve to love yourself! Also don't feel down about the job thing, you will find something eventually and remember everything happens for a reason xxx

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much lovely! It is about time that I started to love myself! And I wont, I know I will get there eventually and all the stress and hard work will be worth it! x

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  8. You go girl!! I struggle with self-confidence all the time and hope that one day I can have the confidence and acceptance to feel about myself this way!Thank you so much for sharing <3
    https://midnightandlace.blogspot.co.uk/

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    Replies
    1. I have so much faith in you and you will feel like this I am sure of it! And believe me, when you finally realise it all, that's when you become free almost! x

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  9. Fantastic ! What a positive post. I really enjoyed reading this, it's so important to recognise our own achievements x

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  10. Bless you, I'm 26 and I still don't have that much confidence but it's getting there. But as you get older, you tend to not give two monkeys about it. I promise, it gets better. Plus all the idiots who used to bully - well they eventually realise how horrid they've been!
    Lisa | fairlyrosy.com
    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have some way to go in my confidence but a lot of people have told me this, that you don't care when you are older, so I cannot wait for that to happen to me! And I hope so, they made me feel so small and worthless so I hope they realise what affected they had on me and anyone else they bullied! But thank you so much for this, it means a lot! x

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  11. its great to hear your confidence is growing lovely! You deserve to be happy - it can be hard being a girl sometimes XX

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    1. It can be but thank you sweetie, means a lot! xx

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  12. Yes! Good for you! I’m so happy for you!

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  13. Yes! Good for you! I’m so happy for you!

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