Dear Daddy David

Today marks my Daddy David's 64th birthday. However, he isn't with me anymore. On the 1st of February 2018, my dad passed away and it's been crap to say the least. We didn't have a normal father-daughter relationship but he was still my parent and I loved him with all my heart nonetheless.

Due to the 3rd of April being his birthday, I thought I would write him a letter. I have wrote one to him before on my blog but it seemed like a nice way for me to celebrate his birthday and life in my own way, especially because he used to read my blog and loved it!

So here we go, happy birthday Dad...

Dear Daddy David,
 
First things first, Happy Birthday Dad! I hope you are having a party up there with grandpa, grandma and Michael, don't have too many walnut whips!
I know today is suppose to be a joyous one, celebrating you and your wonderful life, but it hurts. You not being here has filled life with such pain and misery.
 
Thought I had all the time in the world with you and that I didn't even have to think about any of this for another decade or so but life is like that unfortunately. You think you have everything and all the time to "phone you" or "I'll go round and see him next week", then when the time comes around when you can't do that anymore, it breaks your heart and no excuse can cover what I am feeling as I cant phone you or go round and see you now. You won't be there.
 
Last time I was here, writing a letter to you, I was harsh and brutal but please understand that it was how a part of me felt about you and that I just needed to let everything go. To be honest with you. 
In the long term, it helped me understand you a bit better, I know you were going through a crap time but so were we and we needed you. But you weren't there and that hurt. These past few years, you were trying and I was but I couldn't see past the pain you caused me and I wanted you to feel that too.
 
Then February 2018 happened and Dad, I wish I wasn't as stubborn as I'd been. I get that from you and mum. How was I suppose to know that the last phone call I had with you was a 7 minutes long on the 10th January and the last time I saw you was at Alexander's wedding. I just wanted you to hurt and feel like I didn't care as that's how you made me feel for that awfully long decade and for that, I am sorry.
 
I know you know how much you are loved and missed, I just hope you know how much I love you, back then and now. I didn't tell you nearly enough.
I would like to say thank you. Even though you missed most of my life growing up, you did give me some of the most wonderful memories. Memories I will cherish forever.
From playing croquet on a really bumpy lawn in Scarborough, you letting me win at The Really Nasty Horse Racing game and Constellation, making delicious bread that just made the whole house smell amazing to helping me with my doll houses, going to Mother Hubbard's for tasty fish n chips, listening to you playing so beautifully on so many instruments, and many more.
These are some of the fond memories I've created with you and I am glad to have shared them with you.

 Thank you for my birthday and Christmas presents, I love them both and cannot wait to play Sherlock Holmes The Card Game and build my Lego London model, I will treasure them both forever.
 
We had our arguments and differences but at the end of it, I was your little girl and you were my Daddy David and I miss you so dearly.
But I shall live and continue living, for you. You wouldn't want us to be sad or upset. You would want us to take life by the horns and to just ride it, no matter how crap it might become, and that is what I plan to do.
 
You really were one of a kind, Dad, and you have touched so many people's lives with your infectious smile and wholesome laugh.
 
I love you to Pluto and back, Daddy David.
Your little girl,
Caroline
 
P.S Apple Juice and Four miss you very dearly and Four promises he will do his best not to have a four year vacation in a random vase in the future!

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