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Sunday, 30 April 2017

A letter to my bully of a brother

A few weeks ago I published a letter to the bullies at school that really affected me during my teenager years. Now I am writing one to the bully I had at home, a letter to my older brother.

Like stated in the first part of this letting go letter series thing, I am sick and tired of going on about the fact that I was bullied. It is now the right time for me, personally, to let go of it and try to move on.


This letter was a hard one to write as obviously it is close to home but one that I needed to write ages ago. Again, there is a bit of swearing in this so sorry about that.

Here is a letter to my bully of a brother...

Dear you,
 
As you can tell I don't really know how to address you so 'you' will do. I don't want to think about your name never mind type it on my blog and in this letter, it makes me feel sick. Normally I just call you 'it' or 'dickhead' as they are pretty much 100% accurate in how I feel towards you.
My personal favourite is 'moron', I feel like it such an underappreciated insult.
 
And since I am being honest, this letter isn't for you, it is for me to finally let go everything so I couldn't really care less if you read this or not. Either way, here I am.
 
You and Andrew were the only two men I really had in my life, we both know that dad was pretty much non existent during most of our time on this planet and still is to be fair.
However, you destroyed that.
 
I don't know what I did to deserve you threatening my life, calling me every blooming name under the sun and to be honest, I couldn't give a shit any more. I don't want to know why, I have wasted farrrrrrr too much of my precious time thinking about this question and about you.
And that is for a very simple reason. You are nothing to me. You are not my brother. Yeah, you might share the same DNA and surname blah blah blah but that means nothing. I will never ever EVER say that I am related to you. I don't ever want to be associated with you. It honestly makes me feel sick to my stomach when I hear your name or even have to mention you.
You are someone I unfortunately have to live with currently because mum doesn't have the backbone to throw you out and let's be honest, she should have thrown you out years ago purely on the basis of how you treat her, never mind how you have treated me.
 
The funny thing is that I had so much love for you, like any sister would for their siblings. At one point I think I even admired you, the hell was I thinking. And now there is nothing, I feel nothing. You destroyed all the love I had for you and turned it into hate. I hate you. I hate you so much for what you turned me into.
 
You were suppose to tell me that everything will be ok when a boy broke my heart or after an argument with a friend. You were suppose to make me laugh. You were suppose to be there.
 
But instead, you made me cry, you gave me so many self confidence issues and you made me want to kill myself.

You have mentally abused me and you think it is ok and it's not.
That just makes you a flipping moron, you moron.
 
I may be your little sister by name, DNA, birth but honestly, I couldn't give a shit about you. I don't care where you go, if you marry, have children, I don't care because as soon as you are out of my life, the better. As soon as you go, I never want to see you again if I can help it.

I will be civil with you if we are at a family get together or something, I ain't going to ruin that because you are there but aside from that, that's it, I don't want anything to do with you.

I feel so sorry for you.
How pathetic your life must be for you to make a scene out of everything a do or to stilllllll be taking the piss out me and my appearance. Like you are 27 and you are still taking the piss out of my weight??????????
I find it all so flipping hilarious I cannot even begin to tell how much I just laugh at you when you have a go now.

And yeah, I may cry every time but you know what, I LOVE crying, I am the Queeeeeeeeeeeeeeen of crying. I am human after all and should not have to put up with your bull shit.
 
But the thing is that I wish you well in life. That's because I am nothing, NOTHING, like you. I don't have a grudge on my shoulder anymore. I don't complain about every single little stupid thing that is wrong with the house or take the piss out of someone to make myself feel better.
I never have and I never, ever will.
I am not the one who made someone else feel worthless and shit about their life.
And you know what, I am a better person than you because of these things.
 
You don't deserve me in your life, let alone as your sister, and that is something you have missed out on. You made my life a living hell for the over a decade and you didn't even care. In fact, you laughed.
 
To be honest, I just want to say thank you to you. Thank you for showing me that I am a better person than you. Thank you for showing me that I am strong enough to fight on through all of your and life's bull. Thank you for making me the blooming fabulous, sassy, wonderful, splendidly weird person that you will never get the chance to know.

I am me and I am proud of me.
But without you and your disgusting behaviour, I wouldn't be me so thank you.
All the love in the world [HAHAHAHAH jk]
From your AMAZING, TALENTED, BEAUTIFUL little sister you will never ever get to know,
Caroline
 
P.S. you are still a dickhead xoxo
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All photographs my own! 

6 comments:

  1. Oh Caroline. This can't have been easy to write but it's a great piece. You should be so proud of yourself and the woman you've become.

    Aoife | prettypurplepolkadots.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww thank you so much Aoife, this honestly means a lot to me! x

      Delete
  2. I literally have no words. My heart absolutely goes out to you. As a girl with three older brothers, I know what that relationship is like and my brothers are my protectors.

    Rachael xox
    http://gatsbyandglamour.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. CAROLINE! THIS WAS AMAZING! okay, excuse the caps, but I am so so so proud of you. I know this must have been extremely difficult to write, but this came out amazingly. It's so good that you wrote this in order to let go of all the terrible times your brother gave you. I am so sorry to hear that he gave you such a hard time, especially because I know what an amazing person you are. Seriously, great job, great post xxx

    Melina | www.ivefoundwaldo.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww thank you so much Melina, honestly this means so much to me x

      Delete

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