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Thursday, 30 March 2017

A letter to the school bullies

I feel like every single personal post I do includes the fact that I was bullied at school and at home and while it really did affect me, my mental health and my life, I feel like I just need to end it and leave it in the past and move on.
Due to me wanting to do this and just let go of it all, I am writing this post. This will be the [hopefully] final post about my bullying experience and that's it.

Me and my friend Loz after school on cold winters day!
I thought the best way to write down everything about those incredibly hard years is to write them a letter. Now, this is going to be focused on the bullies at school and not at home so it will be in two parts.  [Note there is a bit of swearing in this post, sorry guys]

But here is my letter the school bullies.

To my school bullies,
 
I don't really know what to call you or how to address you in this letter.
I am not even going to type your names or even think about your names because you don't deserve me even giving you the time of day but here we are.
 
You made me feel so shit about life but most importantly you made me feel shit about myself. You turned me from a fun loving girl who loved life and who enjoyed school to literally living in hell for 7 long years. To make it even worse is that you didn't even care what you were doing. To you it was a laugh, having a bit of banter with some friends, all jokes. To me, you crushed my happiness and you crushed me.
 
You made me hate something I loved, you made me hate learning. School was so important to me. A place where I can discover weird things about the universe, somewhere I can learn what the hell Pythagoras' theorem is, to find subjects I am passionate about and to learn a foreign language etc. I wanted to learn useless things that I will probably not use in life because I just loved it.
You destroyed that passion by making me dread going to school every single day.
And that's not just it.
 
What you didn't see is how I used to lock myself in my room, starving myself so I could become thinner for you to stop calling me fat. I used to cry myself to sleep every night because I felt dirty and horrible. I used to think that I was so worthless, that I didn't even deserve to be alive. And that is down to you. All I wished for is for you to leave me alone.
 
Answer me this as this question has been on my mind since the first day you started bullying me, what did I do to you to make you act like that towards me?
 
But the thing is, is that I forgive you. I cannot forget and I probably never will but I can forgive. There are noooo excuses and no valid reasons for your behaviour but honestly, I just want to thank you.
Thank you for giving me strength to fight all of the crap life throws at me.
Thank you for giving me this fab hourglass figure that I blooming love due to you making me find comfort in food.
Thank you for giving me a reason to live.
But mainly...
Thank you for making me the fabulous, wonderful and weird person I am today.
 
It is funny really how you have impacted my life. At first, in a negative, 'I hate the world' way but now I am as happy as ever and that is down to your disgusting behaviour during what was supposed to be the time I lived.
To round this letter off, I just want you to know that even though you made me feel worthless, you missed out on knowing me and that is your loss, not mine, because I am FAB-U-LOUS!
 And voila!
Until next time
-------------------------------------
All photographs my own! 

11 comments:

  1. Oh you amazing gorgeous lady - both on the inside and out. I bet this took absolute balls to do and YOU DID IT! You're so inspiring!

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    Replies
    1. Aw Eden, this made me have a tear in my eye, thank you so much lovely, it honestly means a lot to me! x

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  2. You definitely are fabulous!! This is such a brave thing to post and props to you for doing it!! You're gorgeous inside and out and I am so glad I get to chat with you and got to know you!!!
    You go gorgeous girl!!!

    Love, Melissa x
    www.lovemelissax.co.uk

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    Replies
    1. Awww thank you so much Melissa, like this means so much to me! I am so happy we get to chat! x

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  3. This post is heart breaking and inspiring. No child should ever have to endure relentless bullying but how you turned it around and became the wonderful person you are today is truly inspiring for other victims of bullying that it does get better x
    https://ciaraslittleblog.wordpress.com/

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    Replies
    1. No child should indeed, I just don't get why kids do it. I guess it is just pressures to fit in and feel like they are accepted and cool but it makes them look like idiots! And awww thank you so much lovely, means a lot! x

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  4. I love this post so much! I have a similar experience to you with bullying at school and it is such an awful thing to have to go through. I now feel so inspired to write a similar post on my blog at some point! X

    www.bisoushollyolivia.co.uk

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    1. Awww thank you so much and please do, it helped me get everything off my chest and it puts things into perspective! It was hard to write and publish but worth it so I hope you do! let me know when/if you do lovely! x

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  5. Ah this gave me such goosebumps oh my god! How brave and inspiring are you?! Good on you, lady! xx

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    Replies
    1. Aw thank you so much, this means the world to me! x

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  6. Ah this gave me such goosebumps! How brave and inspiring are you?! Good on you, lady! xx

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